If You’ve Been Using A One-Size-Fits-All Approach For Women of Different Ages, Read This Before You Send Another Online Dating Message…
Something a lot of guys don’t consider is how to adjust their approach for what women respond to online depending on their age. The thing is: people of different generations act differently and respond differently when it comes to online interaction, real-world dating and sex.
Regular readers of mine know that from the standpoint of portraying yourself as an Alpha Male online, a guy absolutely must exude the contradictory attributes of EXCITEMENT and STABILITY at the same time. But how does this change when approaching women of different ages?
A Few Generalizations About Women EVERY Guy Should Know
Let’s face it. Early 20-something girls are less “serious” when it comes to dating.
They may be dating for fun, or simply to explore their tastes and discover what kind of man appeals to them most. Some might have a fantasy of dating an older man, but haven’t done it yet… others might want to be with a younger guy… a rich guy… a buff guy… an adventurous guy.
An early 20-something girl will be looking for excitement. She’s not ready to start a family, but she’s certainly ready to express her wildest feminine urges and sexual fantasies in the context of her newfound freedom as an adult.
On the other hand, the older a woman gets, the more refined her tastes become, and she may be feeling pressure to find a husband and start a family. So security might become a bigger theme… she’s tried out the “exciting” guys. She still wants that excitement desperately, but she wants excitement that lasts. She wants stability too.
A woman in her late 20’s and 30’s is probably looking for a more mature guy. A guy who really knows what he wants, exudes masculine confidence, and has a certain level of prowess in his ability to navigate the world, make a living, and express his feelings. On a basic level, an early 20-something girl definitely wants stability too… but for older women this need becomes more pressing.
Of course there are exceptions: Cougars hunting for fresh meat and perpetual party girls that never grow up. Nerdy, thoughtful, young women. Artistic women.
… But you can usually identify exceptions after a quick glance at pictures and profiles and adjust your approach accordingly.
Size Matters, Especially With 20-Somethings
When it comes to messages, size does matter.
If you’re targeting girls aged 25 and below, keep your messages short, quick, challenging and easy. If you get too witty, she might find it too much work to match your level of humor. She might even decide to save it for later, but then forget about you completely as you blend into the stampede of other men flooding her inbox.
Of course, if she responds to your short message with an epic novel, you’ll need to mirror her in length, but otherwise keep things short.
Remember, an early 20-something girl is getting absolutely inundated with messages from guys immediately professing their love. And she’s probably got the “plenty of fish in the sea” mentality down pat. If she doesn’t like one guy, there’s another 20 coming along.
Basically, an early 20-something girl is going to be a little lazy when it comes to dating online, simply because she can be, and she’ll probably be too lazy to respond to an extra-long message or an extra-difficult question.
With early 20-somethings you’ve got to keep things simple in an icebreaker message. Think funny, challenging – poke fun at her in a harmless and flirty way. NEVER send a message that appears like it’s attached to getting a response. And especially if she doesn’t write you back – stay cool and send her a follow-up note that’s lighthearted, witty and fun.
Here’s an example of what you should NEVER do if she doesn’t respond. Girls get messages like this every day and they absolutely hate it:
Hey, why didn’t you write me back? At least tell me what I did wrong!!
Here’s a BETTER way to follow up:
Hey, I don’t even know your name yet and you’re already playing hard to get? 😉
Finally, another difference with 20-something girls is they might want to do some flirty, one-liner, witty banter with you. They might test you with some challenging teases. The key is to fire back and have fun. You might ask her for the date, but she’ll come back with a silly tease… just keep going with it, and you might find she asks YOU out.
How BIG Do 30-Somethings Want It?
As girls get older, they will likely be looking for more meaningful communication online.
You do, of course, still want to keep your messages pretty witty, funny, and confident. But older women don’t generally get as many messages, so if you send them a longer, more sincere message that makes them think you probably spent some time reading their profile and writing, they’re going to be flattered. They’re going to LOVE the attention.
In fact, OkCupid even put out some compelling statistics on its blog that prove how little attention older women are getting compared to their younger counterparts. What they told us is this: If you want to date more women, start looking at women your age and older – because they’re getting less attention, and they’re A LOT more willing to give attention to YOU.
At ViDA, we’ve found that an icebreaker message with three small paragraphs, a little bit of humor (without appearing like a clown), a few specifically-tailored compliments about the woman’s profile, and several comments that point to your ability to give her excitement and stability work like magic with women aged 30 and above.
Then again, if she responds to your question with a quick one-liner, you should definitely tone things down and mirror the size of her response.
Another interesting thing we’ve found is that the OLDER a woman is, the EARLIER she’ll be ready to meet up. If an older woman (especially 40+ woman) expresses interest to your icebreaker message, a lot of times you can go straight for the digits or date in your next message.
Basically, an older guy who’s willing to date women his age absolutely has it made online.
On the other hand, an older guy looking for younger women can definitely amplify his success with the principles we teach. He’ll just need to tighten up his game and take things to a higher level of mastery. But trust me… with a little bit of practice, *anything* is possible online.