Does she think I’m ugly?
Is it because I don’t make enough money?
Was I not witty enough for her?
We’ve all been there. Maybe it was a cute blond chick who also dug salsa dancing. Perhaps you came across a sexy Venezuelan brunette that shared your passion for football. We’ve all sent out messages to girls we were totally into, only to spend days waiting for the reply that never came.
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When a girl doesn’t respond to your message, it’s only natural to wonder why. After all, what is a girl you haven’t met but a blank slate, on which to throw your deepest desires and fears?
But when it comes to online dating, it’s best not to let your imagination get the better of you. That’s because the #1 reason women don't respond to messages is actually quite simple…
…they just plain don’t feel like it.
If you’re a hot female on Match.com, your inbox is probably packed with message upon message from countless men; most of whom fall somewhere on the spectrum of lame, insecure, and needy.
Do you think you’d ‘feel like it’ if you were a woman that was being bombarded by boring messages? I think not.
That’s why we have female clients that pay us to weed out the losers for them. Life is hard being an attractive woman…
There’s an easy way to stand out from the crowd.
The key, in your first message, is to think beyond just making her interested in you. You need to also think about making her interested in your message.
We talk a lot about crafting compelling online dating messages that stimulate her imagination, rather than boring her with compliments, but that’s only half the story. You also need to make it easy for her to reply. In fact, you need to make it so freakin’ mindless that she doesn’t even know she’s written you back until after she’s hit send.
No, we’re not talking about using some weird hypno-seduction technique. The trick is a lot simpler. In fact, it’s so simple we can use it on every message we send, and you should too:
Ask her a question!
That’s it! With a good question, you’re basically already writing the first part of her message for her. Now there’s no magic to this, there are simply two basic rules you need to follow:
A good question should be both easy and entertaining to respond to.
By easy we mean that you shouldn’t make her think too hard. While girls like smart guys with a sense of humor, one of the dangers of asking a question that is too witty/thought out is that she will feel she’s not funny or smart enough to come up with a worthy response.
Unless she’s head over heels into you, she’s only gonna sit there for a few seconds thinking about it before she says ‘next’ and moves on to the next potential suitor.
Asking that hot Latin dance fanatic, “what are your top 3 favorite Samba artists and why?” might make you feel smart, but it could make her feel stupid. Worse, it could look like you’re trying too hard, which is a HUGE turnoff.
By entertaining we mean that your question should stimulate her imagination in a way that makes her WANT to respond. A big problem with the questions guys typically ask on online dating sites, is that they don’t make women feel anything.
Questions like, “how was your weekend?” or, “seen any good movies lately?” do nothing to stimulate her imagination or emotions.
Alright, so enough with the bad stuff, how about a couple examples of good questions that have proven effective for us:
“So tell me…after a hard week at work, what would be your ideal weekend escape, from the moment you clock out on Friday, to the instant your head hits the pillow Sunday night?”
Or how about this:
“So that’s what your friends say about you…interesting. But what I want to know is…what do your enemies say?”
(If her profile says that her friends say that she’s fun, outgoing, and intelligent, then write “So your friends would say that you’re fun, outgoing and intelligent… that’s great. But what I want to know is… what would your enemies say?”)
Can you understand why these questions work? Do you see how they stimulate imagination and emotion, rather than appeal to logic and reason? Do you see how they don’t make it too hard for her to respond?
Now there’s one last thing we should mention here, in addition to making your question fun and easy, you also need to ‘frame’ your question with ‘lead-in text’ so that it sounds RELEVANT. Make it relate in some way to what you say in your message, or to what she says in her profile. Otherwise you’ll come off as totally random and she won’t know what to make of it.
Plus randomness stopped being cute in middle school.