Online Dating After Divorce – Advice For Men

Dating after divorce is never easy.

You may be feeling a bit “out of practice” – especially if you met your ex-wife back when getting a date was as easy as asking “Hey, mind if we compare chemistry notes?”

Or maybe you used the old “Mind if I buy you a drink?” line. Of course that was back when hanging out at bars every night chasing women used to be fun. But who has time for that these days?

Whatever your case, now you’ve got less opportunities to meet women and your skills aren’t where they once were…

So how do you meet attractive women?

By now, you’ve heard the online dating success stories. Most of us have a buddy who met his girl online.

Let’s leave it to data to paint the best picture of today’s modern dating situation. After surveying 11,000 people in cities all over the world, TimeOut found that 60% of singles get more dates online than anywhere else.

Welcome to the brave new world of online dating!

Let’s get you started with meeting women online…

We’ve covered why online dating should be your first stop on the Newly Single Train, now let’s cover the basics. With over 8,000 dating sites worldwide, where do you start your online dating adventure?

There are endless choices, but your best bet is to start with the Big Three:

Match
OkCupid
PlentyOfFish

Match, OkCupid and POF are three of the most popular dating sites in the world, and they’re all quality sites.

When it comes to online dating, the bigger the site the better. You want lots of potential matches and exposure to attractive women who are just a click away.

If you want even more tips on choosing the right site for you, check out this article.

Check your status.

If your divorce is not yet finalized, you may want to consider whether or not to select “Separated” in the relationship status pulldown. Many women interpret that as “I have baggage” or, worse yet, “I’m still married.”

Divorces take a long time to finalize, especially when kids are involved. You mentally moved on from your wife a long time ago, so go ahead and check “Divorced”.

If that idea makes you feel really uncomfortable, consider focusing on OkCupid since “Separated” isn’t even an option on that site. Putting “Divorced” can’t make you feel dishonest or upset your date since there wasn’t a more accurate description available.

You can always disclose the full story later when you know she’s really into you. She’ll have seen for herself that it’s over and you’re just waiting for the legal process to be completed.

Kids in the equation?

If you have kids, that’s one thing you probably should NOT lie about.

Sure, if a woman is only interested in men without children, she’s going to skip over your profile. And you don’t want to date her anyway.

So go ahead and select “Yes” from the “Have kids?” pulldown (or whatever it says). Then, mention your children in your profile or use a photo you took with them. If they know you’re a dad, you want them to know you’re a good one. A world-class father certainly doesn’t hide his kids.

Just don’t make your profile all about your kids. Limit them to 1 photo appearance and/or 1-2 profile mentions. Remember, she’s here to date you, not them.

But first, you’ve got to make her want to date you. And that’s where your profile comes in.

Write a magnetic profile.

Women are bombarded with messages every day on sites like Match.com, and she won’t bother responding to yours if your profile doesn’t snag her attention. An enticing profile will make her want to write you back.

Here’s how to do it:

Do: Use humor and descriptive language. Tell stories about yourself that illustrate your virtues instead of just listing them. There’s nothing more yawn-inducing than “Dependable. Easy-going. Fun.”

Instead, tell her about taking your mom to Sunday brunch last week, or watching your son hit his first home run.

Do: Be authentic. Women want to meet someone who seems real in their profile. Include details like what you do for a living and what hobbies you enjoy.

No need to be flashy or picture-perfect — an aura of success is important, but so is being humble. Lightly self-deprecating humor is sexy, and a whopping 97% of single women consider a sense of humor as attractive as physical good looks.

If you like to cook, consider a line like this:

Ok, I admit… I probably won’t be receiving any Michelin stars, but my pan roasted halibut with lemon sauce has been called “not that bad,” “tastier than it looks,” and “a dinner worth sharing.”

Do: Make some of it about her. A good ratio for the main intro section is 75% describing you, and 25% describing who you’re looking for.

Do: Choose your words carefully. Vocabulary seriously impacts online likeability. The data crunchers over at Wired magazine revealed the words “surf”, “yoga”, “skiing” and “ocean” are the 4 most attractive words men can use in their profiles.

Grammar and spelling make a difference as well, so bring your A-game. Show your profile to that friend who always points out typos on the menu.

Do: Select an attractive username. Think of appealing qualities and interesting hobbies you have.

Love to travel? Try “DaringDestinations” instead of Joe47756.

Are you a chef? Try “ManVSFalafel.”

A boring username is just that – boring. You want to showcase your creativity, and nothing about “Seattle_Joe” stands out in a crowd.

And here’s one big don’t: Unpack your baggage and strew it all over your profile. Face it — you’re divorced, you’ve probably got a couple sour grapes.

You might not even be sure if you’re completely over a difficult separation.

That’s normal, but save it for your counselor, not your dating profile.

Confidence is sexy, and even if you don’t feel 100% ready to get back out there, you don’t need to advertise it in your profile. Highlight your most attractive traits in your profile, don’t hand her reasons not to date you:

example

Choose high-quality photos

Choosing strong photographs is even more important than writing a great profile.

Research has shown that women spend a mere 1/10th of a second to form an impression of someone in a photograph. So if you make a bad one, she’s not going to check out your profile or return your message.

Chances are, most of your photos feature your (soon-to-be) ex or your kids, or maybe you don’t have that many current ones.

But don’t even think about skipping the photos altogether. According to Match, profiles with photos draw 15 times more interest than those without.

Many women will filter out profiles without photos, or refuse to respond to messages when she can’t see what you look like.

Cropping out your ex is one option, but grabbing a buddy with a good camera and doing a quick photo session will probably get you better results. Or consider going pro, just don’t make it look like you hired a photographer.

Check out this article for tips on choosing the best online dating photos.

Remember, when she’s checking out your photos, she’ll be imagining herself right next to you in the frame. Make her want to be part of your exciting life.

Once you’ve got a selection of photographs, get a second opinion. Ask female friends for feedback, or use one of the sites created for just this purpose, like HotOrNot.

Post the most popular photos in your dating profile, with the all-around favorite in the primary spot.

Once your profile is written and your photos chosen, it’s time to message some women.

Write a message that grabs her attention.

Composing a message that catches her eye is no easy feat. Attractive women are often flooded with messages from guys just like you, so you’ll have to stand out from the crowd if you want her to respond.

Follow these tips, and you’ll be on your way to a date in no time.

Do: Use an off-the-wall icebreaker to capture her attention. Give her a reason to respond by asking a creative question that’s fun to think about and answer, like:

“If you had an all expenses paid ticket to anywhere in the world, but you had to take off in the next hour, where would you go?”

Do: Read her profile and reference specifics in your message. Keep an eye out for shared interests. This may seem obvious, but you’d be shocked how many women get swamped with nothing but “hi” in their inbox.

And if you to know the secret for sending multiple women the same message (and getting away with it!), click here.

Don’t: Send messages that say “hey beautiful.”

If you’re going to compliment her, compliment her on something she has control over. Maybe it’s her witty profile, her kiteboarding prowess, or the fact that she has a PhD in astrobiology.

Do: End your message with a question — it gives her a reason to respond. The biggest mistake guys make when sending messages is not asking a question.

Even asking something simple like, “I see you’re into travel. What was your latest great adventure?” is better than just saying “What’s up” and leaving the conversational ball in her court.

Locking in the date.

Just like in comedy, timing is essential. Too soon and you’ll scare her off. Wait too long and she’ll lose interest.

Here at ViDA, we’ve analyzed thousands of email conversations that led to dates for our male clients. The data shows the ideal time to ask for the date is after she’s sent you 2 or 3 emails.

And what’s the best way to ask her out?

Keep it simple with something like this:

“You know, you seem like an interesting person, someone I’d like to know better. What would you say to meeting up for coffee or drinks sometime?”

Maybe you’ve realized after a couple messages that you have a shared passion for scuba-diving… seize the opportunity with a message like:

“This seems like a topic better discussed in person. How about we talk diving over coffee or drinks?”

You can always go for a teasing approach, too:

“You call yourself an adventurer, but I’m not convinced… Why don’t we grab a cup of coffee or glass of wine, and you can show me your credentials. ;-)”

Always offer her two date options – our data revealed that giving her a choice doubled the acceptance rate. And NEVER only suggest alcoholic drinks – making that mistake cut the acceptance rate in half.

For even more ideas about how to ask a girl out online, click here.

Sound like endless work and frustration?

It can be tough to put yourself out there and send messages to strangers – especially when you invest hours messaging dozens of women and never hear back from the ones you like best, or any at all!

And it’s frustrating when you’re chatting with a woman you really like and suddenly she stops responding to your messages. All you get is radio silence and you begin to wonder: “What did I do wrong? Is it something I said? Did she meet someone else? Why doesn’t she just tell me??”

If you’d prefer to skip all this frustration and save valuable time, ViDA has your back. We’ll handle everything for you and inject a ton of expertise into the entire process so you can meet your ideal types of women without all the hassle.

We’ve gotten dates for 99.2% of our recently divorced clients, with matches they approve. And 63% of them turned those dates into long-term relationships.

We’ll write your profile, select your photos, and even message women for you – so there’s no need to spend another Friday night alone. Click here for a FREE consultation with one of our dating experts today!

About ViDA

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