After you’ve created a killer online dating profile, women are going to read every single inch of it. They’ll study your pictures too. But unlike guys, who spend their time trying to figure out if a gorgeous face is just the tip of a gigantic iceberg, women are trying to uncover any kind of proof that you’re not who you say you are… and are, thus, untrustworthy.
In fact, the more magnetically attractive your profile is, the harder women will be looking for any hints of dishonesty or deception.
Congruency, simply put, is when two things agree with each other. Profiles that don’t have this important piece of the puzzle will create tons of red flags in a woman’s mind, and she’ll be a lot less likely to meet up with you.
Imagine a profile that mentions your love of taking the Porsche for scenic drives through the mountains, but your pictures only show you waving out the window of a rusty old Yugo in your local Wal-Mart parking lot. Or imagine a sporty guy who waxes poetic about a passion for water skiing every weekend, but his photos only show a passion for drinking beer while sitting around the house in his PJ’s.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m the last one to tell you there’s anything less than awesome about driving rusty cars and drinking beers in your PJ’s.
What I’m saying is this: If you present one version of yourself in one part of your profile, you need to make sure that everything else (i.e. – your pictures, emails, profile text, and you in real life) agrees with that message.
Essentially, you want the signal you're sending out to be as clear as possible because if you mix your messages, you’ll severely cut your chances of success.
Let’s take a look at the three biggest areas you need to pay close attention to in the congruency department:
Match Your Photos To Your Words
If a picture is worth a thousand words, make sure that none of them contradict the 300 words in your profile text. I’ve already given you some over-the-top examples, but sometimes this is an extremely subtle thing.
Your pictures don’t just expose how good looking you are, they tell a story.
For example, the setting of the photo is important. Does the furniture and artwork in your apartment reflect the successful guy described in your profile? Do you talk about your travels overseas, but you don’t have a single shot of you in a foreign setting? Or worse, despite your stated passion for international travel, all of your shots were taken professionally in a studio?
Match Your Messages To Your Profile
The ‘voice’ that you use in your profile needs to match the voice you use in your email. If you’re super cocky-funny in your profile, a more nice, confident, and interested email approach will probably not work well for you. You’ll need to maintain a hint of cockiness in your emails as well. The same goes if your profile portrays a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ but your messages are full of heavy challenges – it’s probably not going to work.
When you’re not congruent, red flags start going up inside a woman’s mind. She may not be conscious of why, but she’ll have an intuitive feeling that you’re not to be trusted.
Be The Same Person Online And Offline.
On the internet, you can be whoever you want to be. Use your imagination and it’s limitless. Want to be 6’5”, wear Italian suits and fight the Russian mafia in your spare time? No problem, just write it all into your profile text.
The tricky part happens when it’s time to take things offline. The two of you are sitting over lattes at Starbucks. She immediately sees you’re 5’5” and wearing an old t-shirt instead of an Italian suit. And when she starts speaking Russian, you don’t understand a thing.
Remember this: There's nothing wrong with being yourself. In fact, you have to if you want your offline interaction to go as smoothly as your online interaction. Sure, you can stretch the truth a little and embellish a story here and there, but outright lying is going to destroy your chance of taking things to date number 2… Or date number 1 ½ (where she ends up going home with you to “cook together” after that latte).
Start looking for congruency problems by going over your profile text and your photos. Then think about the voice of your individual emails as compared to your profile text. Then think about who you are online and off.
Did you find any blatant incongruence in your profile? Have you had any successes or failures on this topic? I want to hear from you. Post a message and tell me about your experience below.