The alpha male conquers the online dating world.
It doesn't matter if you're ugly, bald, short and chubby. The number one secret to being attractive to women – online or off – is to be the “alpha male”.
We’ve all heard the comparison from human to ape society… that the alpha male will monopolize the mating scene and leave only the infertile and decrepit female apes for the rest of the herd. In the human realm, this comparison mistakenly conjures up the image of an alpha male that is a tall, well-built, Porsche-driving man with a perfect smile and the ability to call bartenders “babe” and still get their number at the end of the night (check out HotChicksWithDouchebags.com if you aren’t clear on what I mean). What anthropologists have found though is that the alpha male is not the biggest ape of the bunch, but rather the smartest.
Knowing how our online dating coaches for men have matched hundreds of clients with beautiful, intelligent women, I know that the same is true for humans. If you can learn to signal that you are a dominant, confident leader, she will overlook your shortcomings. All you have to do is master how to communicate with a woman the way alpha males do, and you will be massively more attractive to her.
Subconscious signals are all women have to rely on when determining if a man has those alpha qualities they look for. Within 30 seconds any female can scan a room and determine who the alpha male of the party is. It’s not his jaw line and abdominal muscles, or going up to every woman and telling them he’s the CEO at a successful hedge fund; it’s the way he carries himself, how he interacts with people and how others respond to him.
Of course, online dating makes being an alpha male more complicated. The only way to communicate that you are an alpha male is through your writing and photos. These signals can be subtle when it comes to creating a profile or writing an attractive woman a message, but it makes a world of difference in the female mind.
Here are a couple ways that our dating professionals have transformed clients into an alpha male online to attract more women:
Be Dominant
A dominant person does not apologize, make excuses or ask for approval. You should never do any of these things in your dating profile or when you are corresponding with a woman online.
Stop thinking that your shower of compliments will make women online like you back. This strategy will not work. She knows that she looks good. Tens or even hundreds of online dating rejects remind her on a daily basis. The subconscious message that it sends to her is “I know I’m not truly worthy of your beauty and it intimidates me a little, but I’m really hoping you overlook that and you’ll message me back because of how nice I am.”
Also, remember that Alpha males are comfortable in their own skin. Women often get bombarded with messages from insecure guys saying something like…”I know I’m probably not your type (your profile says 5’10 and above… I’m 5’8) but I’d love the chance to show you how cool and fun I am. Mike 770-623-5454.” This dateless guy is not comfortable in his own skin. Jane is looking for indirect signals that show how he is cool and fun… she didn’t want him to just flat out tell her he’s these things. And she definitely didn’t want his phone number nor did she want to feel depressed that he’s actually insecure enough to start out his message by disqualifying himself.
Be the Selector
The alpha male chooses…he is not chosen. Online, it's easy to lose sight of this crucial trait. The next time you write a message, remind yourself beforehand that YOU are the prize. She is looking for your approval, not the other way around. This is the signal that every alpha male sends through his body language and words, regardless of looks or income.
Too many of the messages we see from guys are nothing more than passive pleas for approval. To illustrate, here’s another example of a message from a typical guy that communicates all the wrong things. “Hi, my name is John and I really enjoyed your profile (plus you’re beautiful). Take a look at mine and let me know if you’re interested. Hope to hear back soon!”
Anyone who starts a message with “my name is…” should be flogged on account of their offensively boring personality. Your name is not very important at this stage of the game so you definitely should not start off your message by telling it to her. Also, she already knows that you read her profile and doubts that you earnestly enjoyed the read. Plus, as we previously discussed, she also already knows that she’s beautiful. John is begging for her approval in that message.
She wants a bear with claws and with fangs (Vince Vaughn from Swingers), not a slobbering puppy dog like Jason Biggs (from American Pie).
The trick is this: Even though you are ‘technically' asking for her approval, you have to make it seem like you know you’re in but you need to see if she’s right for you. How do you do this? Start by crafting your message as if you are expecting a reply (stop writing “Hope to hear from you soon” and start writing “Talk to you soon”) and never complimenting her without a qualification. Tell her “you seem interesting but I’d like to know more” instead of “you seem interesting so I’d like to know more.” See how subtle that “but” is there?
An alpha male has options. He won't date just any cute girl that has a profile online and doesn’t even respond to her messages as quickly as most of the other men.
In your profile, talk about your criteria for what you look for in a woman. She wants a man of standards. This will make her feel like you're used to dating women of her quality. But you have to do this carefully… only mention your “criteria” in your profile, not your messages. There is no way to do it effectively but, in general, messaging a woman and telling her that she didn’t quite meet your lofty criteria will make you look like an arrogant prick.
Online dating levels the playing field and gives men an opportunity to put forth our alpha male side. I go into so much deeper detail on this subject in Click Magnet™ that you’ve only been exposed to the tip of the iceberg. There’s a whole chapter dedicated to the subject and a search for the word Alpha produces over 20 results in other sections.
