Don't Waste Your Time Failing Miserably On eHarmony Before You Read These Killer Tips…
If OkCupid is your 9MM Glock and Match.com is your Smith & Wesson, then eHarmony is the bootstrap knife you whip out when you’re down in the mud, broken, bloody and backed into a corner with nowhere to run. Sure you might get taken out, but with my eHarmony profile tips, at least you’ll have a fighting chance.
Yes, it's true… eHarmony is far from the best site out there. However, it can still serve a purpose in your online dating arsenal…
Now, let’s make sure it's right for you and get our hands dirty with some tips & tricks for making your eHarmony profile churn out the largest volume of high-quality dates possible…
Who should use eHarmony?
The reason I don’t recommend eHarmony to everyone is the way it is structured. Instead of giving you free-roaming capabilities like most other sites, it drips a small but steady stream of matches to you that its algorithm believes are highly compatible. Who wants to use a site that limits your ability to find and message as many women as you want?
Before ending my own love affair with its slick framework and TV ads, I used to put marriage-minded, conservative and intellectual clients on eHarmony immediately.
These days, though, I’m not so quick to recommend it. If you’re marriage-minded and find yourself running out of women to message on the larger dating sites, eHarmony can be a great next step.
Or perhaps you’ll find the women on OkCupid and POF.com are not quite what you’re looking for… And in this case, diving in early may not be a bad idea. Finally, it may also be worth trying if you’re simply not having luck on these other sites and having a personal dating assistant falls outside your budget…
Now, if you think you’re a good candidate for eHarmony and want to give it a shot, let’s maximize your chances of making it work. Because of the site’s “Guided Communication” structure, your profile text is extremely crucial. Let’s get it right…
How to Write an eHarmony Profile
Unlike most other sites, eHarmony doesn't have a main section where you’re asked to write an essay about yourself. Instead, your profile is broken up into a series of questions, which makes the writing process more directed and simple.
The mistake most men make is answering these questions in a BORING and unattractive way, or revealing red flags about themselves that send women running.
Let’s go through the main sections and talk about the best way to fill them out:
The most influential person in my life has been…
In this section, talk about other family members who you look up to, sports coaches, teachers, mentors, or even a great boss or friend.
Make it a person you've had a REAL connection with. Talking about your celebrity crush on Britney Spears and how her music shaped your life is obviously going to come off as pretty lame.
Use this section as opportunity to show where your caring nature, professional ambition, or active lifestyle comes from. You can hint at how your level of success in life wouldn't have been achieved without this person (thus pointing to your economic stability and wealth indirectly).
The main idea is to describe how this person helped you out of a tough time in your life, or how this person's example got you to where you are today. The focus should be on transition; remember to end on a positive note. Something like:
“Without him I’m not sure if I’d be where I am today – successful, happy and optimistic about the good times to come…”
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is…
Be sure not to mention anything physical in here, and remember that you don’t have to be too specific. Just because it asks for only one quality doesn't mean you can't slip more in. For example, you could write:
“I'm looking for a woman who’s passionate about life, her family and has a smile that lights up the room. If you don’t like to laugh so hard it hurts, we’re probably not the best match.”
The first thing people notice about me…
Keep this light and fun. If you have a foreign accent, mention your “subtle trance-inducing accent”… If it’s a NY accent and you live in the south, mention that in a positive and humorous way. If you’re bald, you can make a joke about your gorgeous full head of hair (which they will know is a joke when they see your photos).
The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me…
This can't be something physical, otherwise why wouldn't people have noticed? It‘s best if you mention a skill or trait that's not immediately obvious. For example:
“That I’m genuine, the real deal… and I can Eskimo roll my kayak like nobody’s business.”
Be careful here not to inadvertently reveal an UNATTRACTIVE quality. Do not say “That I’m shy at first, but once you get to know me, I’m hilarious.” Remember that a shy guy is not the kind of guy who’s getting a lot of dates. Talking about manly characteristics that are hidden beneath a meek exterior is definitely something you want to avoid.
Five things that you “can't live without”…
Feel free to confess your dependence on worldly goods; we all like our creature comforts. But do not say, “iPhone, Internet, Computer, Air, Water, Food, A house, etc.” If you talk about worldly things, make them unique.
Trust me, everybody says something lame like their iPad, iPhone, air, water, blah, blah, blah… This does nothing to set you apart and it does nothing to tell a woman how interesting you are.
Work in some human elements as well such as things related to family (mom's lasagna), friends (Thursday pickup basketball with the guys), pets (Sunday afternoon runs in the park with your dog Max) or your hobbies (Donning a fire suit and oxygen tanks, dousing myself with gasoline, lighting myself up, and leaping out of an airplane). Just kidding on that last one.
Do try and add some adventure, but as long as it’s not too generic or obscure, anything goes here.
The last book that I read and enjoyed…
Make sure you make this interesting; otherwise it's not worth completing this section. Remember, you can skip any question, and it’s better to do so than write something completely lame.
If you've got a book that you're passionate about, and can explain why you like it so much in a way that sounds interesting, go for it. Or you could even say something general like this to let women know you’re a reader:
“There’s always a dog-eared copy of the latest bestseller on my nightstand.”
A little more about me…
If you don’t have anything to add, just say something like: “There's a ton more to know, but I'd prefer to save some of the mystery for when we get together…”
You might also want to put a call to action here. eHarmony’s format isn’t so good for using a call to action because there’s no clear “ending” of the profile. But this would be a good place to say something like this:
“If you think we might get along, don't by shy. Send me a message and let’s chat…”
What are you passionate about?
Remember this is about passion, an emotive word. You have to show her that this is something you really care about. Keep in mind your passion is often not as important as how you describe it. If it has to do with food, describe the flavors. The same goes for wine. If it’s your job, make sure the person can FEEL your passion and ideally even get excited about it too. If you do charity work, this is a great place to mention it. Here's an example:
“On Saturday mornings I tutor math for kids in my neighborhood. As much as I love to sleep in on Saturday, knowing that I’ve helped someone on their road to a better life is priceless, and it’s a great way to keep the quadratic formula fresh in my head.”
What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
There isn't much room for creativity here as it's just a list, but I’d advise mentioning two items that show your caring side, like friends, family, pets, etc. But instead of just saying “friends”, say something more interesting like “An amazing, tight-knit group of friends I can always count on.” The third one could be more humorous, and less serious. Consider listing something outlandish such as a strange skill you have (or don’t have) like “Fire juggling sessions on Peruvian mountain tops.”
I typically spend my leisure time…
As with most other sections, think about what makes you interesting, exciting, and captivating. Accomplish this by telling a story rather than just listing activities. Use this real estate wisely by communicating an irresistible day that she can't wait to share with you.
Employ the senses when you tell this story. Talk about breathing fresh air while hiking to the top of a mountain, then enjoying a picnic with a beautiful view. Talk about chasing golf balls down the fairway on a sunny day. Say how you enjoy ordering take-out and curling up on a warm couch to watch a movie at home… Get the picture?
Don't forget the final touches!
If you follow my advice, your eHarmony profile should be miles ahead of the competition and you’re going to stand out in a very attractive way.
As a final touch, make sure you re-read your profile with a fine-toothed comb looking for misspellings, typos and grammar errors. This goes for any dating site, but especially with eHarmony since it tends to attract a more serious and intellectual crowd.
I know it’s never easy to write about yourself, so if you get stuck, remember that you can always hire my team to do all the hard work for you. Just check out my profile writing service and other done-for-you package options.
Before you leave this page, do me a favor and post any questions or comments about your eHarmony experience below. Your experiences are really valuable to me and I’ll be sure to respond to you personally…