In the last post we talked about two of the most common mistakes women tend to make in their online dating profiles. By now you’re probably thinking: “hey, I’ve got a good variety of photos and a nice and descriptive bio, maybe I’m not so bad at this thing after all.” Either that or you’re mulling over how many movies you can rent on NetFlix for that $40 a month Match.com subscription fee.
In any case, we’re nowhere near calling it a day. There are just so many more offensive profile blunders to tell you about. The first two sins were essentially sins of laziness, and perhaps dishonesty. Now let’s face it people, this isn’t elementary school, being honest and hardworking will only get you so far…you also have to not be stupid 
The next three mistakes are far more insidious and subtle than the first two. If you commit these errors, guys may not even realize why they feel turned off. The truth is, there are more ways to fail than to succeed at these things…but don’t worry young padoin…you will learn.
Yeah, I just made a Star Wars reference. You want to hear a guys’ perspective or what? Here’s sin number 3:
3 – You’re Clearly Not Over a Past Relationship
Do you want to know the worst opener you could possibly put in your profile? It’s this one: “I’ve just gotten out of a very serious long-term relationship and I’m still not quite over it.” It’s awful for a number of reasons, yet women keep doing it.
For starters, it’s negative and unconfident…two things you should try to avoid here in general. It also throws into question your readiness to begin a relationship and makes us guys wonder: “Just how damaged are these goods?”
We get that if you are coming out of a big relationship you might have some trust issues, and you want a guy who won’t screw you over, but seriously, all in due time. Online dating is a gradual process and the pathway from profile to partnership is replete with many an opportunity to get to know one another.
We are not saying don’t be honest here. If you’re divorced, please, mention it when the profile asks for marital status (most guys wont mind as long as you leave it at that).
At Virtual Dating Assistants, we are committed to representing our clients as honestly and accurately as possible, but we will always focus on the positives.
Rather than looking backwards towards a past relationship, try and take what you learned and apply it to your dating future. How have you grown from this experience? Are you more mature, wiser, stronger? Show it in your profile. Maybe there are certain qualities in a partner you’ve learned to value. Tell us about them. It shows guys you know what you want and that you aren’t afraid to talk about it.
If you’re not yet able to put your past relationship in this light, then ask yourself, are you really ready for a new one?
4 – You Overuse Clichés
We could say don’t use clichés at all but you wouldn’t follow it. Really, it’s virtually impossible to avoid using any cliché in your profile, since they’re just so darn convenient.
You know what they are. Things like:
“I’m just as comfortable in a little black dress having a night out on the town as I am in jeans and a T-shirt having a quiet evening at home.”
“I love traveling.”
And even, “Insert witty profile headline here.” (that’s right, even commenting on profile clichés has become a bit cliché)
Now to be fair, we are harsh critics. You might be asking: Is it really so bad that profiles use the same lines, over and over? As humans (let alone singles of a similar age living in the same area), aren’t we all more similar than different? And isn’t that what everybody is looking for…a match that shares many of your interests and qualities?
To a certain extent, a profile is written by what you don’t say (e.g. saying you’re into travelling doesn’t make you stand out from the millions of other girls that are…but it does say that you’re not an uncultured loser).
The thing is…you could do better. You could show that you love travelling and that you’re not an uncultured loser by talking about someplace you’ve been, or dream of going. Saying “melted my hiking boots on the lip of a volcano” hints at a great story. It says a lot more than simply: “I love travelling” (and a lot less at the same time). Providing a taste of something greater, but holding back enough to create intrigue opens the door much wider for conversation and commonalities.
5 – You’re Obviously Crazy!
We’re serious here, this one’s important. Girls aren’t the only ones who worry about meeting weirdoes on the net.
You may actually be crazy in real life, or you may just have a very loud / intense personality that you want to show the world. While uniqueness and creativity are always welcome in profiles, remember that you need to appear (at least kind of) normal, even if you’re not looking for a stereotypically “normal” guy.
Online communication is very special. It lacks the body language, intonational features and conversational give-and-take linguists typically refer to as: speech pragmatics. In short, your communication takes place in a radically different context…the context of the internet.
It’s not as if you’re at a dinner party, where everybody is assumed to be more or less a potential friend. The basic assumption on the internet is that everybody may be a creep. It’s kind of like a bar, without lights (or alcohol), where the music is too loud to carry on an actual conversation, so people communicate with their PDAs…except even less personal. Your eccentricities, rather than being excused as charming, are often magnified or placed in a negative light.
For this reason, while “I looooooooooooooooooove cats!!!” might be cute in person, in profiles it makes us wonder, “Is she some sort of crazy cat-lady?” Same goes for any use of the phrase: “I am looking for my twin flame…” or any new-agey stuff for that matter. And for the love of all that is good and holy do not say “I am crazy” (yes, people do actually put that in there).
This applies especially to jokes and sarcasm. They are often misinterpreted in online communication, so don’t be afraid to use emoticons when there’s any doubt to your meaning Just don’t use too many 
…see what we mean?
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It’s been said that “advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”
Creating a pretty decent online dating profile is not magic (a ‘killer’ one…maybe), it just requires time, thought and effort. Some of the advice we gave here (such as including multiple photos, or a well written bio) may seem pretty basic, and even commonsensical. The hard part is admitting to yourself that yes, it is very important, and actually physically following it.
The truth is, online dating is a lot of work, no matter how you swing it. But if you put in a little extra effort now: take the time necessary to craft a good profile, and take the care necessary to avoid these common mistakes…it will pay off (and save time) in the long run.